Chapter 15

I didn’t move from the couch when he got up and left. I didn’t even think about anything. I just sat there staring at a spot on the floor. The phone ringing snapped me out of my trance and I walked back into the kitchen to see who was calling. I saw Jordan’s name on the call ID. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my voice as I answered.

“Hey, sweetie, sorry it’s been so tough to talk lately. I’ve just been really busy getting ready for this movie, ya know?” I heard him say.

“Sure, of course. It’s fine,” I lied. I’d just been busy filming a movie and I’d still managed to find time to talk to my boyfriend.

“So what did you do all day?” he asked. I flashed back to Corey’s face.

“Just spent a quiet day at home. Things are starting to get crazy again next week. I’ve got photo shoots and interviews all week,” I groaned.

“You’ll get through it. Just think, I’ll be back in town in a couple weeks. We’ll go someplace nice and quiet when I do to celebrate finally being in the same city again.”

“That sounds great,” I said without any emotion. I heard noise in the background and then Jordan saying something to them.

“Shit, Lia, I’m sorry. I have to get going. Apparently someone in wardrobe fucked up and I have to get fitted again for something. I’ll call you tomorrow as soon as I get a chance, okay?” Wardrobe this late at night? I doubted it.

“Okay, talk to you later. Have a good night,” I told him.

I hung up the phone and looked at the half clean kitchen. With nothing else to do I began to finish the cleaning. That’s when I heard a knock on the door. Distracted by my thoughts of Jordan claiming to be doing wardrobe this late I opened the door without checking to see who was there. My eyes widened in shock when I saw him.

Corey looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept quiet, instead just staring into my eyes. I wanted to ask him what he was doing back, but deep down I knew. After what seemed like an eternity he lifted his hand and brushed some hair out of my face. I felt him run his thumb along my forehead. I leaned into his palm as he pressed it to my cheek, all the while not pulling my eyes from his.

Despite knowing it was coming, feeling his lips touch mine still took my breath away. My heart started to pound as he pulled me closer to him. Our lips parted simultaneously and it felt like an electric jolt went through my body when his tongue touched mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my hands through his hair as the kiss deepened. Suddenly my brain caught up with my body and I pulled away.

“We can’t-“ I started looking at him. He bit his lip.

“Meels, I’m sorry, I-“ I put a finger to his lips and pulled him inside. I looked outside to make sure no one was out there and had seen us. Not seeing anyone I closed the door behind him.

“People could make a lot of money off of that picture,” I told him with a smile.

Before he could respond I stepped closer to him and kissed him again. Okay, apparently my brain had only half caught up. Somewhere I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but obviously I didn’t care. Corey didn’t seem to either since he had now pulled me so close I doubted you could fit air between our bodies. Corey’s phone going off interrupted us. He groaned as he looked at who was calling.

“Hey, Ileana,” he said.

I cringed at the sound of her name. Rational thoughts began to filter into my brain. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t a cheater! Well, I hadn’t been until now. As far as I knew, Corey hadn’t been either. I didn’t think things could get any more complicated, but I had obviously been wrong.

“No, I’m just sitting at home watching TV. Are you having a good time with your family?” I heard Corey ask into the phone. He looked over at me with an apologetic look on his face. “Well, it sounds like you’re busy. I’ll let you go. Yeah, you too. Bye.” He turned and looked at me.

“Corey, we can’t do this,” I said to him.

“I know. I don’t know what I was thinking coming back.” He put his head in his hands.

“Okay, well, it’s not going to happen again, right?” He looked over at me and nodded.

“Right. So we can just forget that this happened and move on.”

“Right. I think that would be best.”

“Well, I should probably go.”

“Probably.” Without another word he opened the door and left. That had been the most awkward exchange I’d ever been a part of. I backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. Something was seriously wrong with me.

Just like I’d done plenty of times lately I put my head in my hands and cried. I really didn’t know what to do with my life at this point. Should I tell Jordan about what happened or keep quiet? As I debated what to do in my head I found myself getting angry. I got so angry I was seeing red, but I wasn’t angry at myself or Corey, I was angry at Jordan.

Maybe if Jordan had cared I wouldn’t have done that. Maybe if he was around I never would have let Corey kiss me. Maybe if Jordan wasn’t off having guys’ weekends once a month and making the tabloids for hanging out with trashy looking girls behind my back I wouldn’t have cheated. Who the hell did Jordan think he was treating me like that?

I got up off the floor and wiped away the tears. I wasn’t going to cry over a kiss. It all made perfect sense. I hadn’t kissed Corey because I still had feelings for him, I kissed him to get back at Jordan. Even if I never fessed up about it, in my head I would have gotten even with him and that was good enough.

“Jesus, Amelia, if you feel like that, why don’t you just break up with him?” I asked myself.

Yeah, because it was just that easy. Hey, Jordan, despite not having proof I think you’re a cheating asshole, I cheated on you to get you back. I laughed at the thought. I think I’m going crazy.

I picked up a framed picture of Jordan and I off of the table in the hallway and studied it. Brianna had taken it without Jordan or I realizing it. We were at the park that day and I had been walking away from him. He’d put his hand on my hip and I’d turned at the waist to look back at him. Our eyes were locked and we both had ridiculously happy grins on our faces. It was the perfect moment caught on camera.

As I gazed at the picture my anger began to fade. I didn’t hate Jordan, not even close. I hadn’t exactly been putting a ton of effort into the relationship lately either. If it was failing it was as much my fault as his. The longer I looked at the picture, the more my smile grew. I really did care about Jordan. Maybe we weren’t perfect, but who was?

Realizing that made my stomach churn. I dropped the picture to the floor and rushed into the bathroom. I barely made it to my knees in front of the toilet before I began to throw up. When I was done my head was pounding. I flushed the toilet and got up to fill a glass with water. I rinsed my mouth out and caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

Once again I saw mascara streaks on my face, only this time they were covering my cheeks because I’d rubbed the tears away. My eyes were puffy and red and my face was blotchy. Every time I throw up I pop blood vessels in my face and it looks like I have some severe skin disorder. I sighed and grabbed my toothbrush to brush my teeth. When I was done I got into bed and curled up to a teddy bear Jordan had given me months ago on my birthday. It wasn’t long before I fell asleep.










Corey sat on his bed and stared down at the engagement ring he’d bought for Amelia. He couldn’t remember why he’d decided to keep it other than just not feeling ready to get rid of it. He twirled it between his fingers and imagined what it would look like on her hand for the first time since he’d bought it.

At some point the hand he pictured morphed from Amelia’s to Ileana’s. He squeezed his eyes shut until the image faded. He put the ring back in the box and snapped it shut. He just couldn’t see himself ever putting a ring on Ileana’s finger. He shuddered at the thought and stuck the box back in its hiding place in his dresser.

Ileana had called again as he was driving home, but he’d let the call go to his voicemail. He couldn’t bear to talk to her right now. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d cheated on her or because he knew that he’d rather be with Amelia. He let himself fall back on his bed and he stared up at the ceiling.

His life could really not suck anymore right now. He was so conflicted. Things with Ileana had been going downhill while things with Amelia had gone uphill. He couldn’t help but wonder if one was a product of the other. He was sure that you could transpose it any way you chose and it would still seem logical. Things with Ileana got worse because things with Amelia got better. Things with Amelia got better because things with Ileana got worse. Both made sense to him.

He groaned and rolled over onto his side. Who had caused what? He couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he had been perfectly happy with Ileana before Amelia stormed back into his life. Okay, maybe not perfectly, but he was happy. At least with Ileana there was consistency. Things were such a goddamn rollercoaster with Amelia, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

He grabbed an extra pillow and held it tight as he started to drift off to sleep. He never spooned with Ileana as they fell asleep. She hated being touched in bed and liked having her space. On the other hand Amelia needed to be touching Corey in order to fall asleep, even if just their feet were touching at the end of the bed. More often than not he’d wrap his arms around her and pull her into him just before they drifted off. He missed having someone to hold at night sometimes. Right before he lost consciousness he almost thought the pillow was her.