A strange beeping sound woke me from a deep sleep. I was still a bit groggy and it took me a minute to figure out that it sounded like an alarm. Before I could find it and turn it off I felt a body next to me shift. I froze and the night before came rushing back to me. I felt Corey’s arm slip off of me and a second later the beeping stopped.
“What the hell did we do?” I asked without turning around to look at him.
“Do you really want me to answer that?” he returned. I groaned and sat up, pulling the sheets up with me to keep my naked body covered. I noticed the flour, sugar, etc. covering my bed.
“You know what I mean!” I yelled at him.
“I know what you mean, but I don’t know what you want me to say.” I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on them.
“Last night was stupid. It was so stupid. And a mistake!”
“Gee, thanks a lot, Meels.”
“God dammit, Corey, you know what I mean!”
“Again, I know what you mean. Obviously it shouldn’t have happened like that, but there’s no going back. What do you want me to do?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing you can do.”
He stood up and started searching for his clothes. I couldn’t help but peek out of the corner of my eye and watch his naked body move about the room. He turned back towards the bed and I pretended I hadn’t been looking at him at all.
“Can I get in the shower before I go?” he asked.
I nodded and heard him make his way into the bathroom. A minute later I heard the shower turn on. I used that time to get out of bed and grab a towel to wipe myself off the best I could before throwing some clothes on. I gathered up my sheets and threw them into the washing machine. By the time I was done Corey was out of the shower.
“Do we say anything?” I asked him. He shrugged.
“Are you planning on breaking up with Jordan?” he asked. I shook my head. “Then we don’t say anything.”
“This was obviously a mistake. It can’t happen again,” I told him sternly.
“I agree.” He made his way downstairs. I followed him and cringed when I saw the state of the kitchen. He picked up his phone and made his way to the door. “Amelia?”
“Yeah?”
“It was better than I remembered.”
He quickly walked out the door before I had time to respond. I narrowed my eyes at the door before turning back to the kitchen. This was not going to be fun.
Corey didn’t know whether to smile or punch something. He really had only intended on going over last night to apologize to Amelia. He certainly hadn’t intended on starting a food fight that led to them sleeping together. Despite his intentions he obviously couldn’t control himself around her.
Not that he necessarily regretted last night. Sure, it shouldn’t have happened like that while they’re both seeing other people, but he wouldn’t take it back for a second. Amelia had always been unbelievable, and last night was no different. He chose to smile as he thought about the night before.
His thoughts were interrupted by his phone vibrating in the center console. He didn’t remember putting his phone on vibrate only, but didn’t think too much of it. He checked the call ID to see who would be calling him so early and saw that it was Getzy.
“Hey, what’s up?” he answered. There was a short pause.
“Uh, nothing. I’m sorry, I think I have the wrong number,” Ryan replied.
“Getz, what the hell is wrong with you?” Corey questioned. There was another pause.
“Perrs?” he finally asked. Was he drunk?
“Obviously, since you called me.”
“No, I didn’t call you. I called Amelia.” It was Corey’s turn to be confused. Then he realized the call ID had said “Ryan Getzlaf” instead of “Getzy” like he had Ryan programmed in his phone.
“Ah, shit,” Corey cursed out loud.
“What are you doing with Amelia’s phone?” Ryan asked.
“We have the same phone. I obviously grabbed the wrong one,” he explained.
“Perrs, it’s 9 AM. What the hell are you doing with Amelia’s phone so early?” Fuck, now what?
“We had breakfast,” he lied. He heard Ryan laugh.
“I thought Ileana banned you from seeing Amelia.”
“She did, but she’s out of town. Why are you calling Amelia anyway?” Corey asked changing the subject.
“I was looking for Brianna. I thought Amelia might know where she was,” Ryan told him. “I’d get that phone back to her.”
“I’m doing that right now,” Corey said as he turned and headed back to Amelia’s.
I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen and was about to head upstairs to wash all that shit off of me when I heard music start to play. I paused and tried to figure out where it was coming from. It sounded like it had started mid song which was odd. I followed the sound into the living room and saw my phone sitting on the table with the screen lit. That was strange, I didn’t have whatever that song was as a ringtone. I looked at the screen and was even more surprised to see my own name on the call ID. What the hell was going on?
“Hello?” I answered.
“I have your phone. You have mine,” I heard Corey’s voice say.
“I was wondering what the hell was coming out of my phone.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes to switch back.” He hung up and I put the phone back down. Near disaster averted. Just like he said a few minutes later there was a knock on my door.
“How did you figure out you had my phone?” I asked him as we exchanged them.
“Ryan called. He was really confused when I answered instead of you.”
“Ryan knows you had my phone?!” I exclaimed.
“Calm down. I told him we had breakfast together.” I let out a sigh of relief.
“Why was he calling me anyway?” I asked.
“He said he was looking for Brianna,” Corey responded.
“Thanks for bringing this back,” I said.
“No problem.” Corey smiled and walked back to his car. I watched him drive away before dialing Brianna’s number.
“Hey, Bri. I really need to talk to you about something. Could you come over whenever you get this?” I asked when the call went to her voicemail. I hung up the phone and went upstairs to finally take that shower. An hour later I heard a knock on my door. I opened it to see Brianna standing there with tears running down her face.
“You wanted to talk?” she asked. I grabbed her and pulled her inside.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” I asked her. She collapsed down onto the couch and started sobbing.
“Ryan and I got into a fight,” she told me. So that was why he was looking for her. I grabbed some tissues and sat down next to her on the couch.
“What about?” She grabbed a tissue and wiped at some tears before talking.
“After the game we got dinner and then went back to his place. His phone rang and I heard a girl’s voice on the other end when he answered. He got up and left the room to talk to her. I thought that was strange because he never does that. When he got back he looked upset so I asked him who had called. He told me his friend Steve. I knew he was lying but didn’t say anything. Later on when he’d basically been a jerk all night I flipped and told him I knew it was a girl. He denied it and we really got into it. He finally confessed that it was a girl he knew, but that was all he’d say. I’ve never once implied that I didn’t trust him or said that he couldn’t be friends with a girl, so why would he lie about that? The only reason he’d hide that he was talking to a girl would be because he’s cheating on me, right?”
“Bri, you don’t know that. There could be plenty of reasons why he didn’t tell you.”
“Like?” I thought for a minute and really couldn’t come up with anything. Even so, I couldn’t imagine Ryan cheating on her.
“I don’t know. What I do know is that he’s worried about you. He called me looking for you this morning. You have to talk to him.” She looked up at me and nodded.
“I know. It’s just the first real fight we’ve had, and it’s a big one. Trust isn’t exactly something you can just blow off like it’s nothing.”
“I’m sure whatever it is will make sense and you guys will be fine.”
“I hope so. You said on the phone that you needed to talk to me. What’s up?” I didn’t think now would be the time that I’d confess what Corey and I did.
“Just that I went a little crazy with the baking last night and I wanted some help eating it. I know it’s only 10 in the morning, but it’s never too early for a brownie pig out.”
She smiled and nodded. I got up and made my way into the kitchen. I grabbed two bottles of water out of the refrigerator and then the container of brownies. When I walked back into the living room I saw Brianna curled up under a blanket and flipping through the channels on the TV. She looked miserable and I hoped that whatever Ryan was hiding wouldn’t hurt her.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Chapter 16
Brianna left dinner to make her way to the Ducks game. She hadn’t asked me to go with her and I was grateful. I hadn’t told her about the kiss, so she still thought Corey and I had said goodbye that day at lunch and hadn’t talked since. I didn’t have the energy to tell her and talk it through. I was sick of thinking about it.
I drove myself home and stood in the middle of my place thinking of what to do with my night. I thought about returning a couple of phone calls, but quickly banished that thought from my head. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. There wasn’t anything on TV tonight that I particularly wanted to watch so that was out. I looked in the direction of my kitchen and smiled.
I made my way in and preheated the oven after turning on my ipod in it’s deck. I pulled out all the baking ingredients I had and got to work making brownies from scratch. While I may not have been an accomplished cook, I was a top notch baker. I popped the pan in the oven when I was done and went to work licking the bowl and spoon. Salmonella be damned, you just couldn’t bake without licking up all the leftovers.
I began to wash dishes and took in the sweet smell of the brownies as they cooked. Suddenly it didn’t feel like enough. Baking soothed me, but I still felt pretty tense. I took all the ingredients out again and got to work making peanut butter cookies from scratch. I shaped the dough into balls and flattened them out with a fork on the cookie sheets. Just as I was finishing that up, the alarm went off telling me that the brownies were done. I exchanged pans and left the brownies on the counter to cool. I got to work licking the next bowl clean as well, along with eating some cookie dough I’d left out.
The cookies didn’t take long and soon I had 3 dozen peanut butter cookies staring me in the face. I scarfed down four of them and suddenly felt guilty. I rolled my eyes at what Hollywood had done to me as I made my way to my bedroom to change into shorts and a tank top. I got on the treadmill in my work out room and spent the next hour running despite the fact that I’d already worked out earlier that day. I hopped in the shower when I was done, spending longer than needed in the almost scalding water.
After I dried off and put on some pajamas I made my way back into the kitchen to put the cookies into containers and cut the brownies to put away. I sampled a brownie and smiled at myself. They were amazing. Still, something didn’t seem right and for the third time that night I pulled out what was left of my baking supplies.
I perused what was left of my stock wondering when my kitchen had turned into a bakery. Sugar cookies popped into my head, and like the other two goodies, I made the dough from scratch. Just after I’d spread a pile of flour over the counter to roll the dough out, I heard a knock on the door.
I clapped my hands together to rid them of the flour as best I could and made my way to the door. I looked through the peephole to see who was there and nearly fell backwards. As if I couldn’t believe my eyes I glanced over my shoulder at the clock and saw that it was definitely him. I wondered if I should open the door for Corey or just let him believe I wasn’t home.
“What do you want?” I asked as I pulled open the door.
He started to open his mouth to respond, but a grin formed on his lips as he started to laugh. I narrowed my eyes at him wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He didn’t say anything as the laugh died down, but I figured it out soon enough when he wiped a finger along my cheek. It came away covered in flour and I couldn’t help but smile.
“It smells good in there,” he commented.
“I felt like baking,” I explained. “You can come in and have some if you want.” I mentally slapped myself for inviting him in.
“That would be great. Thanks.” He walked through the doorway and made his way into the kitchen. “Jesus, Meels, you weren’t kidding!” I laughed as I shut the door and followed him in.
“What can I say? I got a little into it.”
“What have you got going here?” he asked pointing to the giant ball of dough sitting on the counter.
“Sugar cookies. I have to roll them out and then cut them.” He took off his suit jacket and laid it over one of the dining room chairs. Then he rolled up his sleeves.
“What can I do to help?” I laughed at him, but then realized he was serious.
“Well, let me roll the dough out, then you can help me cut them.”
He nodded and stood off to the side until I had the dough ready to go. I didn’t believe in cookie cutters and instead handed him a knife. He looked from the knife to me like I was crazy but then he watched me get to work. I began cutting shapes into the dough and I saw him start to do the same. After I’d placed a few cookies on the sheet I looked to see what he was doing. He’d spelled out his name. I rolled my eyes at him but balled up the remaining dough and prepared to roll it out again.
“Can you dump some more flour on the counter?” I asked as I kneaded the dough back into a solid mass.
“Not a problem.”
It was then that I remembered that he had to have come to my door for a reason other than baking sugar cookies. I was about to ask him what it was when a large portion of the flour dumped out and sprayed up into my face. I opened my mouth in shock and glared at him. His face turned from one of worry to glee. I narrowed my eyes at him as he began to laugh. I got even more annoyed when he laughed so hard he doubled over. I dropped the ball of dough into the pile of flour with a thud. Another cloud went up, except this time it covered him.
“What the hell?” he yelled out jumping back. It was my turn to laugh as I saw flour settling on his face and in his hair.
“Serves you right,” I told him. His eyes started darting around the kitchen and my laughter faded. He was up to something.
“This is war,” he growled as he grabbed the bottle of vanilla extract and squirted it on me. I let out a screech as I tried to dart out of the way.
“I can’t believe you!” I yelled as I found the jar of peanut butter on the counter.
I took off the top in one swift motion sticking my hand in and coming up with a hand full of peanut butter. I lunged at him and managed to smear it in his face. He grabbed my hand and turned it around on me, getting it all over my neck and chest. Before I knew it there was flour, sugar, peanut butter, vanilla, baking soda and powder, and baking cocoa covering both of us and my kitchen.
“Truce!” I yelled as he smashed a brownie in my face.
We both fell laughing to the floor. We leaned up against the cupboards and tried to catch our breaths. I looked over at him and shook my head. He put a finger to my chin and wiped off the ingredients sticking to it. He then promptly stuck his finger in his mouth. I covered my mouth in horror.
“Tastes like chicken,” he joked. I gave him a shove and he caught my arm. “Not nice to beat up the helper.”
“You were more like the destroyer than the helper.” Our eyes locked and I suddenly knew I was in trouble. “Corey, we can’t.”
“Can’t what?” he asked even as his face moved closer to mine.
Our lips met for the second time that week and it wasn’t any less explosive than the first time. I scooted across the floor until I was practically in his lap, never breaking the kiss. I’d thought I couldn’t be any closer, but Corey obviously disagreed. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me into his lap. Somehow I ended up straddling him as the kissing became more frantic.
I pulled away and stood up off of him. I reached down to grab his hand and pull him up too. The second he was on his feet his lips were back on mine. I slid my hands up his sides and brought them between us. I began to unbutton his now destroyed dress shirt as he wrapped his fingers in my hair. He started backing me up and I guided him in the direction of the stairs. I managed to get his shirt unbuttoned before we reached them and I pulled it off of him.
I felt my calves hit the bottom step and grabbed onto Corey’s arms to keep from falling. In one swift motion he lifted me up without breaking the kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he made his way up the stairs. When we reached the top I pointed to my bedroom and he carried me in and put me down on the bed. It never once crossed my mind that we were still covered in the baking ingredients.
“Why did you come here?” I asked between breaths as he rid himself of his undershirt. He fell back down on me and started to kiss and nip at my neck.
“To apologize for kissing you the other day and to tell you it wouldn’t happen again,” he murmured between kisses. I smiled into his lips when they made their way back up to mine.
His hands found the hem of my t-shirt and he lifted it over my head. He sucked in a breath, obviously surprised when he saw that I wasn’t wearing a bra. Since I’d planned on going to bed after baking the sugar cookies I hadn’t bothered to put one on. I moaned as he took one of my nipples into his mouth as his hands found the top of my shorts.
I reached between us and unbuckled his belt. I pulled his slacks and boxers down together and he followed suit by pulling my shorts off. We didn’t need any foreplay. It felt like if I didn’t have him inside of me right then and there I’d die. I let out a cry as he plunged into me and dug my fingernails into his back. His lips never strayed far from mine, only leaving them to kiss along my jawline. I screamed out as I felt my body shudder in pleasure just to feel him release seconds later.
I curled up to him like I’d always done and laid my head on his chest. He placed a kiss on my forehead and smiled down at me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that we’d have to deal with what had just happened, but I didn’t want that moment to be right now. Instead neither of us said a word. He kissed me one last time before exhaustion took its toll and I fell asleep in his arms.
I drove myself home and stood in the middle of my place thinking of what to do with my night. I thought about returning a couple of phone calls, but quickly banished that thought from my head. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. There wasn’t anything on TV tonight that I particularly wanted to watch so that was out. I looked in the direction of my kitchen and smiled.
I made my way in and preheated the oven after turning on my ipod in it’s deck. I pulled out all the baking ingredients I had and got to work making brownies from scratch. While I may not have been an accomplished cook, I was a top notch baker. I popped the pan in the oven when I was done and went to work licking the bowl and spoon. Salmonella be damned, you just couldn’t bake without licking up all the leftovers.
I began to wash dishes and took in the sweet smell of the brownies as they cooked. Suddenly it didn’t feel like enough. Baking soothed me, but I still felt pretty tense. I took all the ingredients out again and got to work making peanut butter cookies from scratch. I shaped the dough into balls and flattened them out with a fork on the cookie sheets. Just as I was finishing that up, the alarm went off telling me that the brownies were done. I exchanged pans and left the brownies on the counter to cool. I got to work licking the next bowl clean as well, along with eating some cookie dough I’d left out.
The cookies didn’t take long and soon I had 3 dozen peanut butter cookies staring me in the face. I scarfed down four of them and suddenly felt guilty. I rolled my eyes at what Hollywood had done to me as I made my way to my bedroom to change into shorts and a tank top. I got on the treadmill in my work out room and spent the next hour running despite the fact that I’d already worked out earlier that day. I hopped in the shower when I was done, spending longer than needed in the almost scalding water.
After I dried off and put on some pajamas I made my way back into the kitchen to put the cookies into containers and cut the brownies to put away. I sampled a brownie and smiled at myself. They were amazing. Still, something didn’t seem right and for the third time that night I pulled out what was left of my baking supplies.
I perused what was left of my stock wondering when my kitchen had turned into a bakery. Sugar cookies popped into my head, and like the other two goodies, I made the dough from scratch. Just after I’d spread a pile of flour over the counter to roll the dough out, I heard a knock on the door.
I clapped my hands together to rid them of the flour as best I could and made my way to the door. I looked through the peephole to see who was there and nearly fell backwards. As if I couldn’t believe my eyes I glanced over my shoulder at the clock and saw that it was definitely him. I wondered if I should open the door for Corey or just let him believe I wasn’t home.
“What do you want?” I asked as I pulled open the door.
He started to open his mouth to respond, but a grin formed on his lips as he started to laugh. I narrowed my eyes at him wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He didn’t say anything as the laugh died down, but I figured it out soon enough when he wiped a finger along my cheek. It came away covered in flour and I couldn’t help but smile.
“It smells good in there,” he commented.
“I felt like baking,” I explained. “You can come in and have some if you want.” I mentally slapped myself for inviting him in.
“That would be great. Thanks.” He walked through the doorway and made his way into the kitchen. “Jesus, Meels, you weren’t kidding!” I laughed as I shut the door and followed him in.
“What can I say? I got a little into it.”
“What have you got going here?” he asked pointing to the giant ball of dough sitting on the counter.
“Sugar cookies. I have to roll them out and then cut them.” He took off his suit jacket and laid it over one of the dining room chairs. Then he rolled up his sleeves.
“What can I do to help?” I laughed at him, but then realized he was serious.
“Well, let me roll the dough out, then you can help me cut them.”
He nodded and stood off to the side until I had the dough ready to go. I didn’t believe in cookie cutters and instead handed him a knife. He looked from the knife to me like I was crazy but then he watched me get to work. I began cutting shapes into the dough and I saw him start to do the same. After I’d placed a few cookies on the sheet I looked to see what he was doing. He’d spelled out his name. I rolled my eyes at him but balled up the remaining dough and prepared to roll it out again.
“Can you dump some more flour on the counter?” I asked as I kneaded the dough back into a solid mass.
“Not a problem.”
It was then that I remembered that he had to have come to my door for a reason other than baking sugar cookies. I was about to ask him what it was when a large portion of the flour dumped out and sprayed up into my face. I opened my mouth in shock and glared at him. His face turned from one of worry to glee. I narrowed my eyes at him as he began to laugh. I got even more annoyed when he laughed so hard he doubled over. I dropped the ball of dough into the pile of flour with a thud. Another cloud went up, except this time it covered him.
“What the hell?” he yelled out jumping back. It was my turn to laugh as I saw flour settling on his face and in his hair.
“Serves you right,” I told him. His eyes started darting around the kitchen and my laughter faded. He was up to something.
“This is war,” he growled as he grabbed the bottle of vanilla extract and squirted it on me. I let out a screech as I tried to dart out of the way.
“I can’t believe you!” I yelled as I found the jar of peanut butter on the counter.
I took off the top in one swift motion sticking my hand in and coming up with a hand full of peanut butter. I lunged at him and managed to smear it in his face. He grabbed my hand and turned it around on me, getting it all over my neck and chest. Before I knew it there was flour, sugar, peanut butter, vanilla, baking soda and powder, and baking cocoa covering both of us and my kitchen.
“Truce!” I yelled as he smashed a brownie in my face.
We both fell laughing to the floor. We leaned up against the cupboards and tried to catch our breaths. I looked over at him and shook my head. He put a finger to my chin and wiped off the ingredients sticking to it. He then promptly stuck his finger in his mouth. I covered my mouth in horror.
“Tastes like chicken,” he joked. I gave him a shove and he caught my arm. “Not nice to beat up the helper.”
“You were more like the destroyer than the helper.” Our eyes locked and I suddenly knew I was in trouble. “Corey, we can’t.”
“Can’t what?” he asked even as his face moved closer to mine.
Our lips met for the second time that week and it wasn’t any less explosive than the first time. I scooted across the floor until I was practically in his lap, never breaking the kiss. I’d thought I couldn’t be any closer, but Corey obviously disagreed. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me into his lap. Somehow I ended up straddling him as the kissing became more frantic.
I pulled away and stood up off of him. I reached down to grab his hand and pull him up too. The second he was on his feet his lips were back on mine. I slid my hands up his sides and brought them between us. I began to unbutton his now destroyed dress shirt as he wrapped his fingers in my hair. He started backing me up and I guided him in the direction of the stairs. I managed to get his shirt unbuttoned before we reached them and I pulled it off of him.
I felt my calves hit the bottom step and grabbed onto Corey’s arms to keep from falling. In one swift motion he lifted me up without breaking the kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he made his way up the stairs. When we reached the top I pointed to my bedroom and he carried me in and put me down on the bed. It never once crossed my mind that we were still covered in the baking ingredients.
“Why did you come here?” I asked between breaths as he rid himself of his undershirt. He fell back down on me and started to kiss and nip at my neck.
“To apologize for kissing you the other day and to tell you it wouldn’t happen again,” he murmured between kisses. I smiled into his lips when they made their way back up to mine.
His hands found the hem of my t-shirt and he lifted it over my head. He sucked in a breath, obviously surprised when he saw that I wasn’t wearing a bra. Since I’d planned on going to bed after baking the sugar cookies I hadn’t bothered to put one on. I moaned as he took one of my nipples into his mouth as his hands found the top of my shorts.
I reached between us and unbuckled his belt. I pulled his slacks and boxers down together and he followed suit by pulling my shorts off. We didn’t need any foreplay. It felt like if I didn’t have him inside of me right then and there I’d die. I let out a cry as he plunged into me and dug my fingernails into his back. His lips never strayed far from mine, only leaving them to kiss along my jawline. I screamed out as I felt my body shudder in pleasure just to feel him release seconds later.
I curled up to him like I’d always done and laid my head on his chest. He placed a kiss on my forehead and smiled down at me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that we’d have to deal with what had just happened, but I didn’t want that moment to be right now. Instead neither of us said a word. He kissed me one last time before exhaustion took its toll and I fell asleep in his arms.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Chapter 15
I didn’t move from the couch when he got up and left. I didn’t even think about anything. I just sat there staring at a spot on the floor. The phone ringing snapped me out of my trance and I walked back into the kitchen to see who was calling. I saw Jordan’s name on the call ID. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my voice as I answered.
“Hey, sweetie, sorry it’s been so tough to talk lately. I’ve just been really busy getting ready for this movie, ya know?” I heard him say.
“Sure, of course. It’s fine,” I lied. I’d just been busy filming a movie and I’d still managed to find time to talk to my boyfriend.
“So what did you do all day?” he asked. I flashed back to Corey’s face.
“Just spent a quiet day at home. Things are starting to get crazy again next week. I’ve got photo shoots and interviews all week,” I groaned.
“You’ll get through it. Just think, I’ll be back in town in a couple weeks. We’ll go someplace nice and quiet when I do to celebrate finally being in the same city again.”
“That sounds great,” I said without any emotion. I heard noise in the background and then Jordan saying something to them.
“Shit, Lia, I’m sorry. I have to get going. Apparently someone in wardrobe fucked up and I have to get fitted again for something. I’ll call you tomorrow as soon as I get a chance, okay?” Wardrobe this late at night? I doubted it.
“Okay, talk to you later. Have a good night,” I told him.
I hung up the phone and looked at the half clean kitchen. With nothing else to do I began to finish the cleaning. That’s when I heard a knock on the door. Distracted by my thoughts of Jordan claiming to be doing wardrobe this late I opened the door without checking to see who was there. My eyes widened in shock when I saw him.
Corey looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept quiet, instead just staring into my eyes. I wanted to ask him what he was doing back, but deep down I knew. After what seemed like an eternity he lifted his hand and brushed some hair out of my face. I felt him run his thumb along my forehead. I leaned into his palm as he pressed it to my cheek, all the while not pulling my eyes from his.
Despite knowing it was coming, feeling his lips touch mine still took my breath away. My heart started to pound as he pulled me closer to him. Our lips parted simultaneously and it felt like an electric jolt went through my body when his tongue touched mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my hands through his hair as the kiss deepened. Suddenly my brain caught up with my body and I pulled away.
“We can’t-“ I started looking at him. He bit his lip.
“Meels, I’m sorry, I-“ I put a finger to his lips and pulled him inside. I looked outside to make sure no one was out there and had seen us. Not seeing anyone I closed the door behind him.
“People could make a lot of money off of that picture,” I told him with a smile.
Before he could respond I stepped closer to him and kissed him again. Okay, apparently my brain had only half caught up. Somewhere I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but obviously I didn’t care. Corey didn’t seem to either since he had now pulled me so close I doubted you could fit air between our bodies. Corey’s phone going off interrupted us. He groaned as he looked at who was calling.
“Hey, Ileana,” he said.
I cringed at the sound of her name. Rational thoughts began to filter into my brain. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t a cheater! Well, I hadn’t been until now. As far as I knew, Corey hadn’t been either. I didn’t think things could get any more complicated, but I had obviously been wrong.
“No, I’m just sitting at home watching TV. Are you having a good time with your family?” I heard Corey ask into the phone. He looked over at me with an apologetic look on his face. “Well, it sounds like you’re busy. I’ll let you go. Yeah, you too. Bye.” He turned and looked at me.
“Corey, we can’t do this,” I said to him.
“I know. I don’t know what I was thinking coming back.” He put his head in his hands.
“Okay, well, it’s not going to happen again, right?” He looked over at me and nodded.
“Right. So we can just forget that this happened and move on.”
“Right. I think that would be best.”
“Well, I should probably go.”
“Probably.” Without another word he opened the door and left. That had been the most awkward exchange I’d ever been a part of. I backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. Something was seriously wrong with me.
Just like I’d done plenty of times lately I put my head in my hands and cried. I really didn’t know what to do with my life at this point. Should I tell Jordan about what happened or keep quiet? As I debated what to do in my head I found myself getting angry. I got so angry I was seeing red, but I wasn’t angry at myself or Corey, I was angry at Jordan.
Maybe if Jordan had cared I wouldn’t have done that. Maybe if he was around I never would have let Corey kiss me. Maybe if Jordan wasn’t off having guys’ weekends once a month and making the tabloids for hanging out with trashy looking girls behind my back I wouldn’t have cheated. Who the hell did Jordan think he was treating me like that?
I got up off the floor and wiped away the tears. I wasn’t going to cry over a kiss. It all made perfect sense. I hadn’t kissed Corey because I still had feelings for him, I kissed him to get back at Jordan. Even if I never fessed up about it, in my head I would have gotten even with him and that was good enough.
“Jesus, Amelia, if you feel like that, why don’t you just break up with him?” I asked myself.
Yeah, because it was just that easy. Hey, Jordan, despite not having proof I think you’re a cheating asshole, I cheated on you to get you back. I laughed at the thought. I think I’m going crazy.
I picked up a framed picture of Jordan and I off of the table in the hallway and studied it. Brianna had taken it without Jordan or I realizing it. We were at the park that day and I had been walking away from him. He’d put his hand on my hip and I’d turned at the waist to look back at him. Our eyes were locked and we both had ridiculously happy grins on our faces. It was the perfect moment caught on camera.
As I gazed at the picture my anger began to fade. I didn’t hate Jordan, not even close. I hadn’t exactly been putting a ton of effort into the relationship lately either. If it was failing it was as much my fault as his. The longer I looked at the picture, the more my smile grew. I really did care about Jordan. Maybe we weren’t perfect, but who was?
Realizing that made my stomach churn. I dropped the picture to the floor and rushed into the bathroom. I barely made it to my knees in front of the toilet before I began to throw up. When I was done my head was pounding. I flushed the toilet and got up to fill a glass with water. I rinsed my mouth out and caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
Once again I saw mascara streaks on my face, only this time they were covering my cheeks because I’d rubbed the tears away. My eyes were puffy and red and my face was blotchy. Every time I throw up I pop blood vessels in my face and it looks like I have some severe skin disorder. I sighed and grabbed my toothbrush to brush my teeth. When I was done I got into bed and curled up to a teddy bear Jordan had given me months ago on my birthday. It wasn’t long before I fell asleep.
Corey sat on his bed and stared down at the engagement ring he’d bought for Amelia. He couldn’t remember why he’d decided to keep it other than just not feeling ready to get rid of it. He twirled it between his fingers and imagined what it would look like on her hand for the first time since he’d bought it.
At some point the hand he pictured morphed from Amelia’s to Ileana’s. He squeezed his eyes shut until the image faded. He put the ring back in the box and snapped it shut. He just couldn’t see himself ever putting a ring on Ileana’s finger. He shuddered at the thought and stuck the box back in its hiding place in his dresser.
Ileana had called again as he was driving home, but he’d let the call go to his voicemail. He couldn’t bear to talk to her right now. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d cheated on her or because he knew that he’d rather be with Amelia. He let himself fall back on his bed and he stared up at the ceiling.
His life could really not suck anymore right now. He was so conflicted. Things with Ileana had been going downhill while things with Amelia had gone uphill. He couldn’t help but wonder if one was a product of the other. He was sure that you could transpose it any way you chose and it would still seem logical. Things with Ileana got worse because things with Amelia got better. Things with Amelia got better because things with Ileana got worse. Both made sense to him.
He groaned and rolled over onto his side. Who had caused what? He couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he had been perfectly happy with Ileana before Amelia stormed back into his life. Okay, maybe not perfectly, but he was happy. At least with Ileana there was consistency. Things were such a goddamn rollercoaster with Amelia, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.
He grabbed an extra pillow and held it tight as he started to drift off to sleep. He never spooned with Ileana as they fell asleep. She hated being touched in bed and liked having her space. On the other hand Amelia needed to be touching Corey in order to fall asleep, even if just their feet were touching at the end of the bed. More often than not he’d wrap his arms around her and pull her into him just before they drifted off. He missed having someone to hold at night sometimes. Right before he lost consciousness he almost thought the pillow was her.
“Hey, sweetie, sorry it’s been so tough to talk lately. I’ve just been really busy getting ready for this movie, ya know?” I heard him say.
“Sure, of course. It’s fine,” I lied. I’d just been busy filming a movie and I’d still managed to find time to talk to my boyfriend.
“So what did you do all day?” he asked. I flashed back to Corey’s face.
“Just spent a quiet day at home. Things are starting to get crazy again next week. I’ve got photo shoots and interviews all week,” I groaned.
“You’ll get through it. Just think, I’ll be back in town in a couple weeks. We’ll go someplace nice and quiet when I do to celebrate finally being in the same city again.”
“That sounds great,” I said without any emotion. I heard noise in the background and then Jordan saying something to them.
“Shit, Lia, I’m sorry. I have to get going. Apparently someone in wardrobe fucked up and I have to get fitted again for something. I’ll call you tomorrow as soon as I get a chance, okay?” Wardrobe this late at night? I doubted it.
“Okay, talk to you later. Have a good night,” I told him.
I hung up the phone and looked at the half clean kitchen. With nothing else to do I began to finish the cleaning. That’s when I heard a knock on the door. Distracted by my thoughts of Jordan claiming to be doing wardrobe this late I opened the door without checking to see who was there. My eyes widened in shock when I saw him.
Corey looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept quiet, instead just staring into my eyes. I wanted to ask him what he was doing back, but deep down I knew. After what seemed like an eternity he lifted his hand and brushed some hair out of my face. I felt him run his thumb along my forehead. I leaned into his palm as he pressed it to my cheek, all the while not pulling my eyes from his.
Despite knowing it was coming, feeling his lips touch mine still took my breath away. My heart started to pound as he pulled me closer to him. Our lips parted simultaneously and it felt like an electric jolt went through my body when his tongue touched mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ran my hands through his hair as the kiss deepened. Suddenly my brain caught up with my body and I pulled away.
“We can’t-“ I started looking at him. He bit his lip.
“Meels, I’m sorry, I-“ I put a finger to his lips and pulled him inside. I looked outside to make sure no one was out there and had seen us. Not seeing anyone I closed the door behind him.
“People could make a lot of money off of that picture,” I told him with a smile.
Before he could respond I stepped closer to him and kissed him again. Okay, apparently my brain had only half caught up. Somewhere I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but obviously I didn’t care. Corey didn’t seem to either since he had now pulled me so close I doubted you could fit air between our bodies. Corey’s phone going off interrupted us. He groaned as he looked at who was calling.
“Hey, Ileana,” he said.
I cringed at the sound of her name. Rational thoughts began to filter into my brain. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t a cheater! Well, I hadn’t been until now. As far as I knew, Corey hadn’t been either. I didn’t think things could get any more complicated, but I had obviously been wrong.
“No, I’m just sitting at home watching TV. Are you having a good time with your family?” I heard Corey ask into the phone. He looked over at me with an apologetic look on his face. “Well, it sounds like you’re busy. I’ll let you go. Yeah, you too. Bye.” He turned and looked at me.
“Corey, we can’t do this,” I said to him.
“I know. I don’t know what I was thinking coming back.” He put his head in his hands.
“Okay, well, it’s not going to happen again, right?” He looked over at me and nodded.
“Right. So we can just forget that this happened and move on.”
“Right. I think that would be best.”
“Well, I should probably go.”
“Probably.” Without another word he opened the door and left. That had been the most awkward exchange I’d ever been a part of. I backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor. Something was seriously wrong with me.
Just like I’d done plenty of times lately I put my head in my hands and cried. I really didn’t know what to do with my life at this point. Should I tell Jordan about what happened or keep quiet? As I debated what to do in my head I found myself getting angry. I got so angry I was seeing red, but I wasn’t angry at myself or Corey, I was angry at Jordan.
Maybe if Jordan had cared I wouldn’t have done that. Maybe if he was around I never would have let Corey kiss me. Maybe if Jordan wasn’t off having guys’ weekends once a month and making the tabloids for hanging out with trashy looking girls behind my back I wouldn’t have cheated. Who the hell did Jordan think he was treating me like that?
I got up off the floor and wiped away the tears. I wasn’t going to cry over a kiss. It all made perfect sense. I hadn’t kissed Corey because I still had feelings for him, I kissed him to get back at Jordan. Even if I never fessed up about it, in my head I would have gotten even with him and that was good enough.
“Jesus, Amelia, if you feel like that, why don’t you just break up with him?” I asked myself.
Yeah, because it was just that easy. Hey, Jordan, despite not having proof I think you’re a cheating asshole, I cheated on you to get you back. I laughed at the thought. I think I’m going crazy.
I picked up a framed picture of Jordan and I off of the table in the hallway and studied it. Brianna had taken it without Jordan or I realizing it. We were at the park that day and I had been walking away from him. He’d put his hand on my hip and I’d turned at the waist to look back at him. Our eyes were locked and we both had ridiculously happy grins on our faces. It was the perfect moment caught on camera.
As I gazed at the picture my anger began to fade. I didn’t hate Jordan, not even close. I hadn’t exactly been putting a ton of effort into the relationship lately either. If it was failing it was as much my fault as his. The longer I looked at the picture, the more my smile grew. I really did care about Jordan. Maybe we weren’t perfect, but who was?
Realizing that made my stomach churn. I dropped the picture to the floor and rushed into the bathroom. I barely made it to my knees in front of the toilet before I began to throw up. When I was done my head was pounding. I flushed the toilet and got up to fill a glass with water. I rinsed my mouth out and caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
Once again I saw mascara streaks on my face, only this time they were covering my cheeks because I’d rubbed the tears away. My eyes were puffy and red and my face was blotchy. Every time I throw up I pop blood vessels in my face and it looks like I have some severe skin disorder. I sighed and grabbed my toothbrush to brush my teeth. When I was done I got into bed and curled up to a teddy bear Jordan had given me months ago on my birthday. It wasn’t long before I fell asleep.
Corey sat on his bed and stared down at the engagement ring he’d bought for Amelia. He couldn’t remember why he’d decided to keep it other than just not feeling ready to get rid of it. He twirled it between his fingers and imagined what it would look like on her hand for the first time since he’d bought it.
At some point the hand he pictured morphed from Amelia’s to Ileana’s. He squeezed his eyes shut until the image faded. He put the ring back in the box and snapped it shut. He just couldn’t see himself ever putting a ring on Ileana’s finger. He shuddered at the thought and stuck the box back in its hiding place in his dresser.
Ileana had called again as he was driving home, but he’d let the call go to his voicemail. He couldn’t bear to talk to her right now. He wasn’t sure if it was because he’d cheated on her or because he knew that he’d rather be with Amelia. He let himself fall back on his bed and he stared up at the ceiling.
His life could really not suck anymore right now. He was so conflicted. Things with Ileana had been going downhill while things with Amelia had gone uphill. He couldn’t help but wonder if one was a product of the other. He was sure that you could transpose it any way you chose and it would still seem logical. Things with Ileana got worse because things with Amelia got better. Things with Amelia got better because things with Ileana got worse. Both made sense to him.
He groaned and rolled over onto his side. Who had caused what? He couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he had been perfectly happy with Ileana before Amelia stormed back into his life. Okay, maybe not perfectly, but he was happy. At least with Ileana there was consistency. Things were such a goddamn rollercoaster with Amelia, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.
He grabbed an extra pillow and held it tight as he started to drift off to sleep. He never spooned with Ileana as they fell asleep. She hated being touched in bed and liked having her space. On the other hand Amelia needed to be touching Corey in order to fall asleep, even if just their feet were touching at the end of the bed. More often than not he’d wrap his arms around her and pull her into him just before they drifted off. He missed having someone to hold at night sometimes. Right before he lost consciousness he almost thought the pillow was her.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Chapter 14
I got into my car and drove out of the parking lot. My hands shook as I drove and I was fighting back tears. It got to be so bad that I pulled over, and drove into the back of a strip mall and turned off the car. I put my head on the steering wheel and let the tears come. I could feel my whole body shake as the sobs ripped through me. I don’t know how long I cried, but when the tears finally subsided I picked my head back up.
I looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror and was shocked at my appearance. The mascara I had put on had run down my face. My eyes were red and bloodshot and there was a red line on my forehead where it had rested against the steering wheel. I grabbed a tissue out of the glove compartment and wiped the tears and black streaks off of my face.
I took one last deep breath before starting up my car and pulling back out onto the road. I turned on the radio and forced myself to pay attention to the songs playing so that I wouldn’t think of Corey. When I got home I walked inside and popped open a bottle of wine. I downed a third glass that day before seeing that it was only 2:30.
What the hell was wrong with me? I put the bottle of Riesling back in the refrigerator and sank down into a chair at the island in the kitchen. I’d done what I thought was right and said goodbye to Corey. Unfortunately I also felt like my heart was breaking, which was ridiculous. I picked up my phone and dialed.
“Sweetie, I can’t talk,” Jordan said when he picked up after the sixth ring.
“I really need to talk to you right now. Please,” I begged. He sighed.
“Lia, I can’t. I’m sorry. I’ll call you back later.” He hung up before I could say anything else.
I let out a yell and threw my phone across the room. It hit the back of the couch and fell with a thud to the ground. I did the next best thing I could think of and walked into my bedroom. I closed all the curtains and got into bed. I pulled the comforter over my head so it was completely dark and I fell asleep.
“Amelia! Amelia, wake up!” I heard someone yelling. I pulled my head out from under the comforter and saw Brianna standing above me.
“What?” I asked. She shook her head at me and pulled the blankets completely off of me.
“You missed dinner. What is wrong with you?” Oh shit, I’d had dinner plans with her.
“I’m sorry, I had a rough day,” I told her as I sat up. She sighed and sat down next to me.
“What happened?”
“I had lunch with Corey.” I’d told her about his drunken phone call while I was still in Vancouver. She threw her head back and sighed again.
“How did it go?” I felt the tears coming again.
“I told him goodbye,” I whispered. She looked at me sympathetically and pulled me into a hug.
“I’m sorry, Lia.” I just nodded before pulling away.
“Sorry I missed dinner,” I apologized. She smiled.
“Well, we can figure something else out. What do you have in mind?” she asked standing up and walking out of the bedroom.
A few days later I was sitting in my living room flipping through channels when I saw a Ducks commercial. Corey was in it and I felt sick. I thought again about the lunch and about how I’d lied to him when I told him all my feelings for him were in the past. I began to feel guilty about how I’d treated him the last few years. Before I could stop myself I picked up the phone and dialed.
“Amelia?” I heard his confused voice answer.
“Hey, I was just wondering if Ileana was back in town,” I told him.
“No she’s not. Why?” he asked. I took a deep breath.
“Can you come over tonight? I’ll cook some dinner. I just want to talk to you about something.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked.
“Yeah. It’s really important.”
He agreed and we set a time. I made my way to the store and bought supplies for dinner. I didn’t cook often, and only had a limited number of recipes, but I figured it was best not to talk in public. I got home and cleaned up a little before starting dinner. There was a knock on the door right on time and I opened it to Corey standing there with a bottle of Shiraz.
“Thank you. Come on in,” I said taking the bottle and moving aside. He smiled and walked in, and I closed the door behind him.
“It smells good,” he commented. I laughed.
“It’s only fajitas.” He laughed too.
“Your specialty,” he joked.
I jerked my head towards the kitchen and he followed me in. I pulled out a corkscrew and opened the wine, pouring it into two glasses. I finished off the fajitas and dumped the contents into a bowl. We forced some small talk as we sat at the island and ate. Trying to delay the inevitable I began to clean up when we were done. He got up and grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Amelia, what do you want to talk about?” he asked.
I looked into his eyes and panicked. I pulled my arm from his grasp and walked into the living room. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands, attempting to stop the tears from coming. I heard him walk in and felt him sit on the couch next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I composed myself and looked up at him.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I apologized.
“For what?” he asked.
“For just leaving three years ago. I shouldn’t have done it,” I told him. He bit his lip and sighed.
“Amelia, I-“ I cut him off. I just had to say it and get it over with.
“No, please. I have to just get this out. Cor, I loved you, so much. I would have done anything for you. I just had dreams too. You knew I wanted to act, and there was no way I could do that in Maine. In a way I felt betrayed. I had supported you for four years with hockey, and I was still supporting you, but when I talked about my dreams I felt like you laughed them off. I needed to try, to see if I could be successful, but you wouldn’t listen. That’s why I left. I left you to follow my dreams.” I paused before continuing. Corey took advantage of the silence.
“So you thought it best to disappear?” he choked out. The tears came now. There was no holding them back anymore.
“I was scared. You had practically begged me to go to Maine with you and I did. I thought if I told you I wanted to move to LA you’d say no. I was afraid that if I told you I was going you’d beg me to stay. Mostly I knew that if you asked me to stay I would. If you asked me to give up my dream for you, I would have done it because I loved you that much. Just disappearing was the only way I knew I could go through with it. If I had known…..if I had known you would have been called up to Anaheim later that season I never would have left. I would have stayed with you, and I still could have made it out here. I’m so sorry,” I cried.
He pulled me to him again and I rested my head on his shoulder. I didn’t know how he was going to react and I waited for a response. He didn’t say anything for a while and I felt a tear fall from his cheek onto mine. That only made me cry harder.
“You were right. I would have asked you to stay,” he whispered pulling away from me. I wiped some tears from my eyes and looked up at him. He avoided looking into my eyes. “I was so selfish, and such an asshole. I would have done exactly what you were afraid of and told you to give up your dreams for me and mine.”
“That wouldn’t have made you an asshole,” I cut in. He looked at me sharply.
“Don’t do that. Yes it would have. Meels, it still hurts that you did that, but I understand. After three years I finally understand. I’m so sorry too.”
“It’s not your fault.” He gave me a half smile before getting up off the couch.
“I should probably get going. Thank you for finally telling me.”
I nodded and watched him grab his stuff and walk out the front door. I wasn’t sure where we stood right now, but I felt better. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders now that I’d told Corey what had happened to make me leave three years ago.
Corey listened to Amelia explain why she’d left and he felt like his heart was breaking all over again. He fought the urge to yell or punch something when he realized that she was right. As hurt as he still was about the whole thing, deep down he knew she was right. He knew that he would have begged her to stay in Portland.
He didn’t know how to be without her and he wouldn’t be willing to try. He was sure he would have told her that the odds of her actually making it big were pretty slim and she should just grow up and figure out something more practical. This would have been coming from a guy who played a game for a living. He never realized how selfish he was before. It hit him hard.
She was practically bawling by the time she was done talking. He pulled her to him and replayed the last thing she’d said in his mind. If she’d expected him to end up in Anaheim later that year she never would have left. Should have, would have, could have. Those were always killers, weren’t they? At least he knew she’d never stopped loving him.
The minute she started telling him it wasn’t his fault and he wasn’t an asshole, he knew he had to get out of there. She was doing it, what she said she was afraid of doing. She was pushing her own feelings aside to try to make him feel better, to be there for him. He no longer blamed her for disappearing and he wasn’t going to let her blame herself either.
Even so, it had felt so good to hold her again. It had been the first time he’d held her, really held her, since before she left and he hadn’t wanted to stop. He just knew that he had to. He hadn’t meant to cry. He’d done a pretty good job of keeping it all in, but he’d let one tear fall. That had been enough for him to know that he wasn’t going to be able to be around her and not feel anything.
He shook his head and thought of Ileana. Ileana was his girlfriend, not Amelia. He had to make sure that he didn’t get that confused. God, this was complicated. He clenched his fists around the steering wheel as he drove. Then he did something he knew he’d regret. He slammed on the brakes, ignoring the car horns, and pulled a u-turn in the middle of the road.
I looked at my reflection in the rearview mirror and was shocked at my appearance. The mascara I had put on had run down my face. My eyes were red and bloodshot and there was a red line on my forehead where it had rested against the steering wheel. I grabbed a tissue out of the glove compartment and wiped the tears and black streaks off of my face.
I took one last deep breath before starting up my car and pulling back out onto the road. I turned on the radio and forced myself to pay attention to the songs playing so that I wouldn’t think of Corey. When I got home I walked inside and popped open a bottle of wine. I downed a third glass that day before seeing that it was only 2:30.
What the hell was wrong with me? I put the bottle of Riesling back in the refrigerator and sank down into a chair at the island in the kitchen. I’d done what I thought was right and said goodbye to Corey. Unfortunately I also felt like my heart was breaking, which was ridiculous. I picked up my phone and dialed.
“Sweetie, I can’t talk,” Jordan said when he picked up after the sixth ring.
“I really need to talk to you right now. Please,” I begged. He sighed.
“Lia, I can’t. I’m sorry. I’ll call you back later.” He hung up before I could say anything else.
I let out a yell and threw my phone across the room. It hit the back of the couch and fell with a thud to the ground. I did the next best thing I could think of and walked into my bedroom. I closed all the curtains and got into bed. I pulled the comforter over my head so it was completely dark and I fell asleep.
“Amelia! Amelia, wake up!” I heard someone yelling. I pulled my head out from under the comforter and saw Brianna standing above me.
“What?” I asked. She shook her head at me and pulled the blankets completely off of me.
“You missed dinner. What is wrong with you?” Oh shit, I’d had dinner plans with her.
“I’m sorry, I had a rough day,” I told her as I sat up. She sighed and sat down next to me.
“What happened?”
“I had lunch with Corey.” I’d told her about his drunken phone call while I was still in Vancouver. She threw her head back and sighed again.
“How did it go?” I felt the tears coming again.
“I told him goodbye,” I whispered. She looked at me sympathetically and pulled me into a hug.
“I’m sorry, Lia.” I just nodded before pulling away.
“Sorry I missed dinner,” I apologized. She smiled.
“Well, we can figure something else out. What do you have in mind?” she asked standing up and walking out of the bedroom.
A few days later I was sitting in my living room flipping through channels when I saw a Ducks commercial. Corey was in it and I felt sick. I thought again about the lunch and about how I’d lied to him when I told him all my feelings for him were in the past. I began to feel guilty about how I’d treated him the last few years. Before I could stop myself I picked up the phone and dialed.
“Amelia?” I heard his confused voice answer.
“Hey, I was just wondering if Ileana was back in town,” I told him.
“No she’s not. Why?” he asked. I took a deep breath.
“Can you come over tonight? I’ll cook some dinner. I just want to talk to you about something.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked.
“Yeah. It’s really important.”
He agreed and we set a time. I made my way to the store and bought supplies for dinner. I didn’t cook often, and only had a limited number of recipes, but I figured it was best not to talk in public. I got home and cleaned up a little before starting dinner. There was a knock on the door right on time and I opened it to Corey standing there with a bottle of Shiraz.
“Thank you. Come on in,” I said taking the bottle and moving aside. He smiled and walked in, and I closed the door behind him.
“It smells good,” he commented. I laughed.
“It’s only fajitas.” He laughed too.
“Your specialty,” he joked.
I jerked my head towards the kitchen and he followed me in. I pulled out a corkscrew and opened the wine, pouring it into two glasses. I finished off the fajitas and dumped the contents into a bowl. We forced some small talk as we sat at the island and ate. Trying to delay the inevitable I began to clean up when we were done. He got up and grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Amelia, what do you want to talk about?” he asked.
I looked into his eyes and panicked. I pulled my arm from his grasp and walked into the living room. I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands, attempting to stop the tears from coming. I heard him walk in and felt him sit on the couch next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I composed myself and looked up at him.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I apologized.
“For what?” he asked.
“For just leaving three years ago. I shouldn’t have done it,” I told him. He bit his lip and sighed.
“Amelia, I-“ I cut him off. I just had to say it and get it over with.
“No, please. I have to just get this out. Cor, I loved you, so much. I would have done anything for you. I just had dreams too. You knew I wanted to act, and there was no way I could do that in Maine. In a way I felt betrayed. I had supported you for four years with hockey, and I was still supporting you, but when I talked about my dreams I felt like you laughed them off. I needed to try, to see if I could be successful, but you wouldn’t listen. That’s why I left. I left you to follow my dreams.” I paused before continuing. Corey took advantage of the silence.
“So you thought it best to disappear?” he choked out. The tears came now. There was no holding them back anymore.
“I was scared. You had practically begged me to go to Maine with you and I did. I thought if I told you I wanted to move to LA you’d say no. I was afraid that if I told you I was going you’d beg me to stay. Mostly I knew that if you asked me to stay I would. If you asked me to give up my dream for you, I would have done it because I loved you that much. Just disappearing was the only way I knew I could go through with it. If I had known…..if I had known you would have been called up to Anaheim later that season I never would have left. I would have stayed with you, and I still could have made it out here. I’m so sorry,” I cried.
He pulled me to him again and I rested my head on his shoulder. I didn’t know how he was going to react and I waited for a response. He didn’t say anything for a while and I felt a tear fall from his cheek onto mine. That only made me cry harder.
“You were right. I would have asked you to stay,” he whispered pulling away from me. I wiped some tears from my eyes and looked up at him. He avoided looking into my eyes. “I was so selfish, and such an asshole. I would have done exactly what you were afraid of and told you to give up your dreams for me and mine.”
“That wouldn’t have made you an asshole,” I cut in. He looked at me sharply.
“Don’t do that. Yes it would have. Meels, it still hurts that you did that, but I understand. After three years I finally understand. I’m so sorry too.”
“It’s not your fault.” He gave me a half smile before getting up off the couch.
“I should probably get going. Thank you for finally telling me.”
I nodded and watched him grab his stuff and walk out the front door. I wasn’t sure where we stood right now, but I felt better. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders now that I’d told Corey what had happened to make me leave three years ago.
Corey listened to Amelia explain why she’d left and he felt like his heart was breaking all over again. He fought the urge to yell or punch something when he realized that she was right. As hurt as he still was about the whole thing, deep down he knew she was right. He knew that he would have begged her to stay in Portland.
He didn’t know how to be without her and he wouldn’t be willing to try. He was sure he would have told her that the odds of her actually making it big were pretty slim and she should just grow up and figure out something more practical. This would have been coming from a guy who played a game for a living. He never realized how selfish he was before. It hit him hard.
She was practically bawling by the time she was done talking. He pulled her to him and replayed the last thing she’d said in his mind. If she’d expected him to end up in Anaheim later that year she never would have left. Should have, would have, could have. Those were always killers, weren’t they? At least he knew she’d never stopped loving him.
The minute she started telling him it wasn’t his fault and he wasn’t an asshole, he knew he had to get out of there. She was doing it, what she said she was afraid of doing. She was pushing her own feelings aside to try to make him feel better, to be there for him. He no longer blamed her for disappearing and he wasn’t going to let her blame herself either.
Even so, it had felt so good to hold her again. It had been the first time he’d held her, really held her, since before she left and he hadn’t wanted to stop. He just knew that he had to. He hadn’t meant to cry. He’d done a pretty good job of keeping it all in, but he’d let one tear fall. That had been enough for him to know that he wasn’t going to be able to be around her and not feel anything.
He shook his head and thought of Ileana. Ileana was his girlfriend, not Amelia. He had to make sure that he didn’t get that confused. God, this was complicated. He clenched his fists around the steering wheel as he drove. Then he did something he knew he’d regret. He slammed on the brakes, ignoring the car horns, and pulled a u-turn in the middle of the road.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Chapter 13
I sank down into my bed. God, it was good to be home. Filming had wrapped and I was due for some much needed time off. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only 3 in the afternoon, but I was exhausted. I guess that’s what two months of 16 hour days did to you.
Brianna had invited me to the Ducks game that night, but I’d declined. I’d claimed I was just too tired and wanted to spend the next 24 hours sleeping. She didn’t seem to notice that I’d lied. Once again I was trying to avoid seeing Corey, only this time it wasn’t because I was mad at him.
We hadn’t spoken since his phone call. I wasn’t even sure he remembered it. He’d obviously been drinking before he called me, but I didn’t know how drunk he was. Even so, I wasn’t a fan of the drunken confession that Ileana, or anyone else for that matter, would never measure up to me. That’s not something I wanted to hear from an ex I had unfinished business with.
The more I thought about Corey the more I thought about the break up. It was bad enough that I’d been questioning what I’d done since I’d run into Corey again. Now I was questioning my feelings for him. It had been so easy to claim that I felt nothing for him when we were fighting, but slowly my tough façade had started to chip away. The longer I was around him, the more feelings started to come back.
I wasn’t sure if those feelings were actually coming back, or if I was just remembering them. Almost everything Corey did reminded me of something that had happened in our relationship. My brain had been constantly flooded with memories of us lately. It made it pretty hard to figure out if I was reminiscing or feeling.
I fell asleep without intending to, and woke up three hours later. I felt my stomach grumbling and looked through my cupboards to see if I had anything to eat. They were pretty bare and I made a mental note to get some groceries tomorrow. I looked through some take out menus trying to figure out what I was in the mood for.
Eventually I decided on Thai and got changed. I threw my hair up into a pony tail and got into my car, driving to a hole in the wall Thai restaurant that just happened to have the best Pad Thai and Chicken Satay I’d ever had. They gave me my usual seat in the back and I chatted with the owner about current events while they made my usual without even having to ask what I wanted.
I told him for about the millionth time how great the food was as I took my first bite. He thanked me before leaving me alone to my meal. I looked up at the TV in front of me for the first time and saw the Ducks game on. I didn’t take my eyes off of it as I ate. They were playing Dallas, and were winning. Every time I saw Corey on the screen I felt confused all over again. I tore my eyes away from the screen to pay the bill and take home 2/3 of the enormous portion.
I didn’t turn on the TV or touch my computer when I got home. I knew that I’d check the Ducks score and especially how Corey had played. I didn’t want to give in to what I thought might be inevitable. As I’d driven home I’d slowly started to think that it wasn’t reminiscing, but feelings afterall. I let out a yell as I collapsed down onto the bed for the second time that day.
I woke up to the ringing of my phone. I looked at the clock as I picked it up and saw that it was almost 1 in the afternoon. Apparently I really had been exhausted. I looked at the call ID and gasped. I couldn’t handle this right now. I had nothing to say to him.
“Hey, Corey,” I said into the phone after I hit talk. I smacked myself on the forehead hoping that next time my brain would control my actions.
“Are you okay? You don’t sound good.”
“You woke me up,” I explained. He laughed.
“At one?” he asked. I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.
“I’m catching up. What do you want?” I questioned. He cleared his throat before responding.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch or something. I know it’s short notice, so I understand if you can’t.” I knew he called on short notice so he’d have an out in case I said no.
“I thought Ileana told you that you couldn’t see or speak to me anymore.”
“She’s out of town,” he told me. This was not a good idea. There was no way I was going.
“Where?” I asked. Dammit, my brain sucked today. He gave me directions and I got out of bed and got dressed. I threw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, flats, and a hat before making my way to my car and driving to the restaurant.
Corey wondered what the hell he’d just done. He’d promised Ileana he’d avoid Amelia at all costs and the day after she left town he was meeting Meels for lunch. He hadn’t planned on making the phone call. He’d picked up his phone as he headed out of the rink after practice and before he knew what he was doing he’d scrolled to Amelia’s name and hit call.
He’d fully intended on doing what Ileana had asked and staying away from Amelia, especially after that embarrassing drunk phone call he’d made a few weeks ago. He’d been on the road and had gone to a bar with a few of the guys in Nashville. After having a couple of drinks too many they’d started getting on his case about Amelia. He hadn’t thought of her that night until then.
When he got back to the hotel room he was still thinking about her. He couldn’t exactly remember what he was thinking, but he knew it had to do with missing her. He’d come to the conclusion after seeing Amelia in Vancouver that he wasn’t even close to being over her. Every time he saw her in person, on TV, or in a magazine he just wanted to throw his arms around her and hold her.
With liquid courage he had dialed her number, not really sure what he was going to say. It made sense to talk to her about whether she’d told Jordan or not, so that’s what he went with. Even in his drunken state he knew it was the only acceptable reason for him to call her. Of course that led to him telling her about his conversation with Ileana, only he hadn’t intended on telling her everything else. She’d hung up on him and he’d felt like an idiot.
This was how he was going to try to save face. He needed to apologize to her for being an idiot and then he intended on making it clear that they couldn’t be around each other anymore. He didn’t think she’d have a problem with that anymore anyway. He pulled up and saw her car was already there. He found her seated at a table in the back of the restaurant and sat down across from her.
“So what’s this about?” she asked without greeting him.
“I just thought we should talk. Things have gotten kind of complicated,” he said to her. She nodded.
“That’s the understatement of the century,” she mused.
The waitress walked over and they put in their drink orders. He was surprised when he heard her order a glass of wine. Amelia had never really been a drinker, especially this early in the day. They stayed quiet as they looked over the menu and then placed their orders when the drinks were brought over.
“So where should we start?” Corey asked looking over at Amelia as she swallowed what was easily three mouthfuls of wine at once.
“I don’t know. Where do you think?” she returned. He thought for a moment.
“I’m really sorry about that phone call. I’m sure you could tell I was drunk.” He held a hand up to stop her from saying anything when he saw her open her mouth to speak. “It’s not an excuse, I know that. Even so, I’m sorry.”
“So, you’re not denying what you said,” she commented.
“I could if that’s what you want to hear,” he tried to joke. It fell flat. She finished off her glass of wine and asked for a refill. It came with their food.
“I don’t know what to do about this, Cor. I don’t know how I feel about all of this,” she confessed. He knew exactly what she was going through.
“Do you still have feelings for me?” he asked. Her eyes shot up from her plate to meet his eyes.
“Corey, I’ll always have feelings for you, but that’s all in the past. I’m with Jordan now. I’m happy,” she told him. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was lying.
“And I’m happy with Ileana.” If she was going to lie to him, he was going to lie to her.
“Then there’s really nothing more to talk about.”
He nodded his head, but wholeheartedly disagreed. There was still one major thing that they needed to talk about. It was hanging over their heads and he knew that it was the one thing causing all of the confusion and the problems. They needed to talk about it, but he knew it had to happen when she wanted it to.
They finished their lunches in complete silence. The waitress brought the bill and he took it before Amelia could. He threw money on the table and they both stood up. He looked on at Amelia sadly as she walked away from him to her car. He was surprised when she turned back to look at him.
“Good luck with Ileana,” she said just loud enough for him to hear. She turned back around and he watched her get into the car and drive away. So, this had been goodbye.
Brianna had invited me to the Ducks game that night, but I’d declined. I’d claimed I was just too tired and wanted to spend the next 24 hours sleeping. She didn’t seem to notice that I’d lied. Once again I was trying to avoid seeing Corey, only this time it wasn’t because I was mad at him.
We hadn’t spoken since his phone call. I wasn’t even sure he remembered it. He’d obviously been drinking before he called me, but I didn’t know how drunk he was. Even so, I wasn’t a fan of the drunken confession that Ileana, or anyone else for that matter, would never measure up to me. That’s not something I wanted to hear from an ex I had unfinished business with.
The more I thought about Corey the more I thought about the break up. It was bad enough that I’d been questioning what I’d done since I’d run into Corey again. Now I was questioning my feelings for him. It had been so easy to claim that I felt nothing for him when we were fighting, but slowly my tough façade had started to chip away. The longer I was around him, the more feelings started to come back.
I wasn’t sure if those feelings were actually coming back, or if I was just remembering them. Almost everything Corey did reminded me of something that had happened in our relationship. My brain had been constantly flooded with memories of us lately. It made it pretty hard to figure out if I was reminiscing or feeling.
I fell asleep without intending to, and woke up three hours later. I felt my stomach grumbling and looked through my cupboards to see if I had anything to eat. They were pretty bare and I made a mental note to get some groceries tomorrow. I looked through some take out menus trying to figure out what I was in the mood for.
Eventually I decided on Thai and got changed. I threw my hair up into a pony tail and got into my car, driving to a hole in the wall Thai restaurant that just happened to have the best Pad Thai and Chicken Satay I’d ever had. They gave me my usual seat in the back and I chatted with the owner about current events while they made my usual without even having to ask what I wanted.
I told him for about the millionth time how great the food was as I took my first bite. He thanked me before leaving me alone to my meal. I looked up at the TV in front of me for the first time and saw the Ducks game on. I didn’t take my eyes off of it as I ate. They were playing Dallas, and were winning. Every time I saw Corey on the screen I felt confused all over again. I tore my eyes away from the screen to pay the bill and take home 2/3 of the enormous portion.
I didn’t turn on the TV or touch my computer when I got home. I knew that I’d check the Ducks score and especially how Corey had played. I didn’t want to give in to what I thought might be inevitable. As I’d driven home I’d slowly started to think that it wasn’t reminiscing, but feelings afterall. I let out a yell as I collapsed down onto the bed for the second time that day.
I woke up to the ringing of my phone. I looked at the clock as I picked it up and saw that it was almost 1 in the afternoon. Apparently I really had been exhausted. I looked at the call ID and gasped. I couldn’t handle this right now. I had nothing to say to him.
“Hey, Corey,” I said into the phone after I hit talk. I smacked myself on the forehead hoping that next time my brain would control my actions.
“Are you okay? You don’t sound good.”
“You woke me up,” I explained. He laughed.
“At one?” he asked. I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.
“I’m catching up. What do you want?” I questioned. He cleared his throat before responding.
“I was just wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch or something. I know it’s short notice, so I understand if you can’t.” I knew he called on short notice so he’d have an out in case I said no.
“I thought Ileana told you that you couldn’t see or speak to me anymore.”
“She’s out of town,” he told me. This was not a good idea. There was no way I was going.
“Where?” I asked. Dammit, my brain sucked today. He gave me directions and I got out of bed and got dressed. I threw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, flats, and a hat before making my way to my car and driving to the restaurant.
Corey wondered what the hell he’d just done. He’d promised Ileana he’d avoid Amelia at all costs and the day after she left town he was meeting Meels for lunch. He hadn’t planned on making the phone call. He’d picked up his phone as he headed out of the rink after practice and before he knew what he was doing he’d scrolled to Amelia’s name and hit call.
He’d fully intended on doing what Ileana had asked and staying away from Amelia, especially after that embarrassing drunk phone call he’d made a few weeks ago. He’d been on the road and had gone to a bar with a few of the guys in Nashville. After having a couple of drinks too many they’d started getting on his case about Amelia. He hadn’t thought of her that night until then.
When he got back to the hotel room he was still thinking about her. He couldn’t exactly remember what he was thinking, but he knew it had to do with missing her. He’d come to the conclusion after seeing Amelia in Vancouver that he wasn’t even close to being over her. Every time he saw her in person, on TV, or in a magazine he just wanted to throw his arms around her and hold her.
With liquid courage he had dialed her number, not really sure what he was going to say. It made sense to talk to her about whether she’d told Jordan or not, so that’s what he went with. Even in his drunken state he knew it was the only acceptable reason for him to call her. Of course that led to him telling her about his conversation with Ileana, only he hadn’t intended on telling her everything else. She’d hung up on him and he’d felt like an idiot.
This was how he was going to try to save face. He needed to apologize to her for being an idiot and then he intended on making it clear that they couldn’t be around each other anymore. He didn’t think she’d have a problem with that anymore anyway. He pulled up and saw her car was already there. He found her seated at a table in the back of the restaurant and sat down across from her.
“So what’s this about?” she asked without greeting him.
“I just thought we should talk. Things have gotten kind of complicated,” he said to her. She nodded.
“That’s the understatement of the century,” she mused.
The waitress walked over and they put in their drink orders. He was surprised when he heard her order a glass of wine. Amelia had never really been a drinker, especially this early in the day. They stayed quiet as they looked over the menu and then placed their orders when the drinks were brought over.
“So where should we start?” Corey asked looking over at Amelia as she swallowed what was easily three mouthfuls of wine at once.
“I don’t know. Where do you think?” she returned. He thought for a moment.
“I’m really sorry about that phone call. I’m sure you could tell I was drunk.” He held a hand up to stop her from saying anything when he saw her open her mouth to speak. “It’s not an excuse, I know that. Even so, I’m sorry.”
“So, you’re not denying what you said,” she commented.
“I could if that’s what you want to hear,” he tried to joke. It fell flat. She finished off her glass of wine and asked for a refill. It came with their food.
“I don’t know what to do about this, Cor. I don’t know how I feel about all of this,” she confessed. He knew exactly what she was going through.
“Do you still have feelings for me?” he asked. Her eyes shot up from her plate to meet his eyes.
“Corey, I’ll always have feelings for you, but that’s all in the past. I’m with Jordan now. I’m happy,” she told him. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was lying.
“And I’m happy with Ileana.” If she was going to lie to him, he was going to lie to her.
“Then there’s really nothing more to talk about.”
He nodded his head, but wholeheartedly disagreed. There was still one major thing that they needed to talk about. It was hanging over their heads and he knew that it was the one thing causing all of the confusion and the problems. They needed to talk about it, but he knew it had to happen when she wanted it to.
They finished their lunches in complete silence. The waitress brought the bill and he took it before Amelia could. He threw money on the table and they both stood up. He looked on at Amelia sadly as she walked away from him to her car. He was surprised when she turned back to look at him.
“Good luck with Ileana,” she said just loud enough for him to hear. She turned back around and he watched her get into the car and drive away. So, this had been goodbye.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Chapter 12
I got out of my car to head into my front door when I froze in my tracks. Standing there in front of me was Corey. He hadn’t seen me yet, and was pacing back and forth in front of the door. I could see him talking to himself, but couldn’t hear what he was saying. I took a few cautious steps forward until I could hear him.
“Just knock on the door, Corey. Knock on the door and when she opens it, tell her how you feel. Just tell her you need her back. Tell her that you love her still.”
I froze in place when I heard the words. He was giving himself a pep talk to knock on my door and tell me he was still in love with me. I wasn’t sure what to do, or even what to think. Was this something that I really wanted to hear right now? The sound of Corey knocking on my door snapped me out of my thoughts. He was really going to go through with it.
“Meels? Meels, it’s Corey. If you’re in there please open the door. I really need to talk to you!” he called out.
“I kind of already heard you,” I responded. He spun around and faced me, a look of surprise on his face.
“You heard me talking to myself,” he whispered as he made his way over to me. I nodded, not sure what to say.
The two of us stood there, mere feet from each other looking at everything except each other. I took a deep breath and desperately searched for a word, any word, to interrupt the silence. For the first time in my life I was speechless, so I tried to focus on how I felt. Was I happy to hear that he still loved me or not? My churning stomach wasn’t giving me a straight answer.
I took a chance and glanced up at him. He had his head thrown back and he was looking up at the clouds floating overhead. I bit my lower lip, and tried to figure out how to proceed. Before I had a chance to, Corey lowered his head and looked at me. For the first time since I saw him standing in front of my door our eyes locked. I knew what I had to do then.
Instead of speaking, I let my actions do the talking. I closed the distance between us and planted my lips on his. He was startled, but it only took him a second to kiss me back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me into him. We only broke apart long enough for me to unlock the door and get it open.
Corey used my body to shut the door behind us, pressing me up against the cool wood. I ran my hands through his hair as he pulled my jacket off of my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. He moved his lips from mine and trailed them down to my neck. I let out a low moan as I lifted my chin giving him more to kiss.
“God, Corey, I still love you too,” I whispered.
I opened my eyes and shot straight up in bed. I was breathing hard, and I had to look around the room in the hotel suite to shake the images of the dream from my head. I wasn’t home, I was still in Vancouver, and Corey had long since left town. I put a hand to my lips. I could still feel the touch of Corey’s lips on mine.
I jumped out of bed and made my way into the kitchen. I pulled a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap. I finished the glass in one gulp and filled it up again. This time I carried the glass back into the bedroom with me. I took one more sip before setting it down on the nightstand and getting back into bed.
The dream hadn’t exactly been a nightmare, but it felt like one. Usually I had no problem shaking away the images from a dream, but like a nightmare I couldn’t forget it. I knew that what was bugging me about it was that it seemed so real, like it could have happened. As real as it felt I knew there was no way that could ever happen. I wasn’t still in love with Corey.
I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until I found an old movie on. I tried to focus on the plot to forget about Corey altogether. I only made it a little way through the movie before I fell back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.
I refused to let myself think of the dream the next day and instead thought only of the scene we were filming. I was glad it wasn’t a long day for me and I chose to go back to the hotel suite to take a nap before grabbing some dinner. I wasn’t far into my nap before I was awoken by the ringing of my phone. I threw my arm over to the nightstand and felt around before finding my phone, all while keeping my face buried in the pillow.
“Hello?” I answered, not bothering to check the caller ID.
“Meels? It’s Corey.” My breath caught in my throat at the sound of his voice. I sat up and looked around the room trying to decide if I was dreaming or not. “Amelia?” I pinched myself.
“Ow,” I muttered. I wasn’t exactly sure that pinching yourself to find out if you were dreaming actually worked, but I wanted to test it out.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Corey asked.
“I’m fine. What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to know if you told Jordan yet,” he responded. His words were a bit slurred, and it sounded like he’d been drinking.
“Yeah, I did.
“How did he take it?” I rolled my eyes.
“He hardly blinked an eye. He just didn’t care. It’d be nice if he cared a little, you know? Just let me know you actually like me, and all the rumors aren’t true. How about Ileana?” I heard him let out a sigh.
“Yeah, I told her.”
“How did she take it?” He laughed.
“She lost it,” he responded.
“What do you mean, she lost it?” I questioned. I heard another sigh.
“She started yelling at me. She went on and on about how awful it was that I lied to her. She told me I couldn’t see or speak to you again.” I laughed.
“I see that worked out well for her,” I joked. He laughed too.
“It’s ridiculous. She’s actually afraid that I’m going to leave her for you.” That statement felt like a stab to the heart. Get over it, Amelia, you’re still just thrown off because of that dream, I told myself.
“Because our relationship ended so well last time,” I said sarcastically.
“On top of that she went off on other things I told her. ‘You told me I was nicer than your ex, funnier than your ex, and prettier than your ex’.”
I squeezed my eyes closed. Each one of those statements felt like my heart was being stabbed again and again. Why was he saying this to me? Was he trying to hurt me, or did he seriously just not have a clue? I struggled to think of something to say, but he spoke up again.
“Of course I basically lied to her about her being nicer and funnier because I was just still so angry at you for walking out.”
“I’m nicer and funnier, eh?” I attempted to joke, completely aware that he hadn’t added the “prettier” part in there.
“No one’s ever made me smile or laugh like you have. Ever. Not being together anymore doesn’t change that.” I found myself starting to smile.
“Well, the same has always gone for you.” Corey didn’t seem to hear me.
“Ileana’s pretty, but Amelia, she doesn’t compare to you. I’d be lying if I told anyone in the world that they were prettier than you. You’ll always be the most beautiful girl in the world to me.” Images of my dream flashed into my head. I couldn’t do this with him right now. Not ever.
“Uh, Corey, I have to go,” I told him.
“Meels, wait. I’m sorry. Don’t hang up,” he pleaded. I ignored him.
“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta get to set. I’m filming another scene,” I lied.
I hung up without waiting to hear anything else he had to say. He’d only said that stuff because he’d been drinking, right? He didn’t really mean it. He couldn’t mean it. I threw my head back onto my pillow and covered my face with another one, letting out a scream. Why the hell was life with Corey always so complicated?
“Just knock on the door, Corey. Knock on the door and when she opens it, tell her how you feel. Just tell her you need her back. Tell her that you love her still.”
I froze in place when I heard the words. He was giving himself a pep talk to knock on my door and tell me he was still in love with me. I wasn’t sure what to do, or even what to think. Was this something that I really wanted to hear right now? The sound of Corey knocking on my door snapped me out of my thoughts. He was really going to go through with it.
“Meels? Meels, it’s Corey. If you’re in there please open the door. I really need to talk to you!” he called out.
“I kind of already heard you,” I responded. He spun around and faced me, a look of surprise on his face.
“You heard me talking to myself,” he whispered as he made his way over to me. I nodded, not sure what to say.
The two of us stood there, mere feet from each other looking at everything except each other. I took a deep breath and desperately searched for a word, any word, to interrupt the silence. For the first time in my life I was speechless, so I tried to focus on how I felt. Was I happy to hear that he still loved me or not? My churning stomach wasn’t giving me a straight answer.
I took a chance and glanced up at him. He had his head thrown back and he was looking up at the clouds floating overhead. I bit my lower lip, and tried to figure out how to proceed. Before I had a chance to, Corey lowered his head and looked at me. For the first time since I saw him standing in front of my door our eyes locked. I knew what I had to do then.
Instead of speaking, I let my actions do the talking. I closed the distance between us and planted my lips on his. He was startled, but it only took him a second to kiss me back. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pulled me into him. We only broke apart long enough for me to unlock the door and get it open.
Corey used my body to shut the door behind us, pressing me up against the cool wood. I ran my hands through his hair as he pulled my jacket off of my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. He moved his lips from mine and trailed them down to my neck. I let out a low moan as I lifted my chin giving him more to kiss.
“God, Corey, I still love you too,” I whispered.
I opened my eyes and shot straight up in bed. I was breathing hard, and I had to look around the room in the hotel suite to shake the images of the dream from my head. I wasn’t home, I was still in Vancouver, and Corey had long since left town. I put a hand to my lips. I could still feel the touch of Corey’s lips on mine.
I jumped out of bed and made my way into the kitchen. I pulled a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap. I finished the glass in one gulp and filled it up again. This time I carried the glass back into the bedroom with me. I took one more sip before setting it down on the nightstand and getting back into bed.
The dream hadn’t exactly been a nightmare, but it felt like one. Usually I had no problem shaking away the images from a dream, but like a nightmare I couldn’t forget it. I knew that what was bugging me about it was that it seemed so real, like it could have happened. As real as it felt I knew there was no way that could ever happen. I wasn’t still in love with Corey.
I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until I found an old movie on. I tried to focus on the plot to forget about Corey altogether. I only made it a little way through the movie before I fell back into a thankfully dreamless sleep.
I refused to let myself think of the dream the next day and instead thought only of the scene we were filming. I was glad it wasn’t a long day for me and I chose to go back to the hotel suite to take a nap before grabbing some dinner. I wasn’t far into my nap before I was awoken by the ringing of my phone. I threw my arm over to the nightstand and felt around before finding my phone, all while keeping my face buried in the pillow.
“Hello?” I answered, not bothering to check the caller ID.
“Meels? It’s Corey.” My breath caught in my throat at the sound of his voice. I sat up and looked around the room trying to decide if I was dreaming or not. “Amelia?” I pinched myself.
“Ow,” I muttered. I wasn’t exactly sure that pinching yourself to find out if you were dreaming actually worked, but I wanted to test it out.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Corey asked.
“I’m fine. What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to know if you told Jordan yet,” he responded. His words were a bit slurred, and it sounded like he’d been drinking.
“Yeah, I did.
“How did he take it?” I rolled my eyes.
“He hardly blinked an eye. He just didn’t care. It’d be nice if he cared a little, you know? Just let me know you actually like me, and all the rumors aren’t true. How about Ileana?” I heard him let out a sigh.
“Yeah, I told her.”
“How did she take it?” He laughed.
“She lost it,” he responded.
“What do you mean, she lost it?” I questioned. I heard another sigh.
“She started yelling at me. She went on and on about how awful it was that I lied to her. She told me I couldn’t see or speak to you again.” I laughed.
“I see that worked out well for her,” I joked. He laughed too.
“It’s ridiculous. She’s actually afraid that I’m going to leave her for you.” That statement felt like a stab to the heart. Get over it, Amelia, you’re still just thrown off because of that dream, I told myself.
“Because our relationship ended so well last time,” I said sarcastically.
“On top of that she went off on other things I told her. ‘You told me I was nicer than your ex, funnier than your ex, and prettier than your ex’.”
I squeezed my eyes closed. Each one of those statements felt like my heart was being stabbed again and again. Why was he saying this to me? Was he trying to hurt me, or did he seriously just not have a clue? I struggled to think of something to say, but he spoke up again.
“Of course I basically lied to her about her being nicer and funnier because I was just still so angry at you for walking out.”
“I’m nicer and funnier, eh?” I attempted to joke, completely aware that he hadn’t added the “prettier” part in there.
“No one’s ever made me smile or laugh like you have. Ever. Not being together anymore doesn’t change that.” I found myself starting to smile.
“Well, the same has always gone for you.” Corey didn’t seem to hear me.
“Ileana’s pretty, but Amelia, she doesn’t compare to you. I’d be lying if I told anyone in the world that they were prettier than you. You’ll always be the most beautiful girl in the world to me.” Images of my dream flashed into my head. I couldn’t do this with him right now. Not ever.
“Uh, Corey, I have to go,” I told him.
“Meels, wait. I’m sorry. Don’t hang up,” he pleaded. I ignored him.
“I’m sorry, I’ve gotta get to set. I’m filming another scene,” I lied.
I hung up without waiting to hear anything else he had to say. He’d only said that stuff because he’d been drinking, right? He didn’t really mean it. He couldn’t mean it. I threw my head back onto my pillow and covered my face with another one, letting out a scream. Why the hell was life with Corey always so complicated?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Chapter 11
Corey wondered how Ileana would take the news about Amelia. He figured it would go one of two ways. Either she’d take it as well as could be expected since she knew Amelia, liked her, and saw that there would be nothing to worry about. Or she’d be pissed that they’d lie to her, and she’d castrate him. As much as he hoped for situation number one, he felt like it’d be more like situation number two.
He’d just gotten home from the road trip and hadn’t seen Ileana yet. She was coming over in a couple hours and he’d break the news to her then. And right before Christmas. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but knew it had to be done. He wondered if this would be the end of their relationship. He also wondered if he’d care. When he saw Ileana’s car pull up he braced himself for the worst.
“Hey, hon,” he greeted her as he opened the door. She jumped into his arms and kissed him.
“I missed you!”
“You too.”
She followed him into the living room and sat down next to him on the couch. He figured he should just get it over with. When he turned to look at her he wondered again why he’d been stupid enough to lie about Amelia in the first place.
“How was the trip?” she asked.
“Pretty good. Look, Ileana, I have something I have to tell you,” he started. Her smile faded.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Well, there isn’t exactly a good way to go about this so I’m just going to say it.”
“Are you breaking up with me?!” she shouted. He shook his head.
“No, I’m not.”
“Then what is it?” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing.
“Remember how I told you about the ex that disappeared from my life?” Ileana nodded in confusion. “Remember how I told you I knew Amelia because we went to school together and she dated Scott?” Ileana nodded again. “Well, Amelia hated Scott.”
“She dated someone she hated?” He rolled his eyes at Ileana.
“No, she never dated Scott.” He paused to watch the expression on her face. It was almost comical how confused she looked. Then he realized he was stalling and took another deep breath. “Amelia is my ex.”
A vast array of emotions swirled through Ileana’s eyes when she heard that. He couldn’t tell what she was feeling and knew he’d just have to wait to see how she responded. It didn’t take long for him to find out.
“What the hell is going on? Amelia didn’t date Scott, she dated you? She’s the ex you can’t manage to get over?” Her voice got louder with each and every word.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone. I guess I was just worried what people would say if they knew. It’s not a good excuse, but it’s the truth.” Ileana stood up and started pacing.
“Your ex is Amelia Larson? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” she yelled.
“Ileana, please.”
“No, I’m not done. You’ve made me look like a complete idiot. I’ve been talking to her, hanging out with her, asking her for advice about you! This whole time I thought she was just an old friend when she’s the girl you’ve been pining for since I met you!”
“I haven’t been pining for her,” Corey denied. Ileana turned on him with pure fury in her eyes.
“Yes you have! You talked about your ex all the time, and it was obvious you were still in love with her and that if given the chance you’d go running back to her. Now your ex is back in the picture and has been for a couple months! How can you be in a relationship with me when the love of your life is around?”
“Ileana, I don’t love Amelia anymore. Yes, I loved her. We were together for a long time, and feelings are always going to be there, but I’m with you. When I’m with somebody I’m with them and no one else. There is nothing, and there won’t be anything between Amelia and I again.” Ileana took a deep breath and sat down next to him on the couch.
“You’re going to have to choose, Corey. It’s me or Amelia. If you want her, then go. If you want me, you can’t be around her anymore. No hanging out with her, no calling her, nothing. She needs to be out of your life, for good. What’s it going to be?” Corey let his head fall back to the couch. He couldn’t believe this.
I laid in bed in the hotel suite staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Jordan was coming in tomorrow and I had to tell him about Corey. It was just after Christmas and my family had left. It had also been over a week since the guys had come to the set and Ticia had outed us. I hadn’t wanted to tell Jordan over the phone so I’d begged until he’d agreed to fly out and visit. Now he was going to be here soon.
I finally fell asleep only to be awoken by my alarm way too soon. I groaned as I rolled out of bed and hopped into the shower. I made my way to the studio for the day’s work. I couldn’t seem to get the scene we were working on right. I was frustrated with myself for letting my personal life get in the way of work.
I did what I could to push it out of my mind and get the job done. Thankfully I nailed it not long after and made my way to my trailer for a break. I could use a nap if I had time. I opened the door, stepped in, and nearly screamed when I saw someone standing in there.
“Flight was early,” Jordan explained laughing at me. My heart was racing and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the fright or the conversation I was about to have with him.
“God, Jordan, you scared me!” He continued to laugh and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. He placed a kiss on the top of my head before pulling away and planting one on my lips.
“Sorry. How’s the filming going?” he asked.
“It’s going well. Do you want to go for a walk?” I was suddenly feeling very claustrophobic.
“Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”
We exited the trailer and began the walk. He chatted about things back in LA, interviews and appearances he’d done, movie offers he had, and people we knew. I pretended to be listening, but I was really just trying to figure out what to say. I wasn’t sure how Jordan would take the news.
“You’re not even listening to me, are you?” Jordan asked.
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” I replied. I noticed that he stopped walking and turned to look back at him. He had an eyebrow arched and I sighed. “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Want to talk about it?” he asked. I looked down at the ground and nodded.
“There really is something I need to tell you.” He walked over to me and lifted my chin up so I was looking in his eyes.
“Just tell me. It can’t be that bad.” I took a deep breath before jumping in.
“I kind of lied to you about Corey,” I started.
“Corey? The hockey player?” I nodded.
“We didn’t just go to high school together. We dated.” Jordan smiled at me.
“You were worried about telling me that you two dated?”
“Well, we didn’t just date. We were together for four years. I lived with him.” Jordan laughed.
“Lia, I don’t know why you were so worried about telling me that. Obviously it’s over between you two and no offense but I didn’t exactly feel any sparks between you two at dinner that one time. I don’t know why you look like you’re going to be sick. It doesn’t matter.”
"You're not mad that I lied to you?"
"Everyone has a past. It'd be ridiculous of me to get mad at you for having one."
I smiled up at Jordan, but couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. He wasn’t even the least bit upset that I’d lied to him? He grabbed my hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. I walked next to him as we headed back to my trailer.
Jordan stayed for a few days before flying back to LA. Corey never came up in conversation again. Even though I’d told Jordan the truth, I didn’t feel better like I thought I would. I guess I’d expected him to be angry about the lie, or at least a little hurt, but he just blew it off. How did a boyfriend not feel anything about being lied to about their girlfriend’s ex? I tried to be thankful that we were still okay, and pushed it out of my mind.
He’d just gotten home from the road trip and hadn’t seen Ileana yet. She was coming over in a couple hours and he’d break the news to her then. And right before Christmas. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but knew it had to be done. He wondered if this would be the end of their relationship. He also wondered if he’d care. When he saw Ileana’s car pull up he braced himself for the worst.
“Hey, hon,” he greeted her as he opened the door. She jumped into his arms and kissed him.
“I missed you!”
“You too.”
She followed him into the living room and sat down next to him on the couch. He figured he should just get it over with. When he turned to look at her he wondered again why he’d been stupid enough to lie about Amelia in the first place.
“How was the trip?” she asked.
“Pretty good. Look, Ileana, I have something I have to tell you,” he started. Her smile faded.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Well, there isn’t exactly a good way to go about this so I’m just going to say it.”
“Are you breaking up with me?!” she shouted. He shook his head.
“No, I’m not.”
“Then what is it?” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing.
“Remember how I told you about the ex that disappeared from my life?” Ileana nodded in confusion. “Remember how I told you I knew Amelia because we went to school together and she dated Scott?” Ileana nodded again. “Well, Amelia hated Scott.”
“She dated someone she hated?” He rolled his eyes at Ileana.
“No, she never dated Scott.” He paused to watch the expression on her face. It was almost comical how confused she looked. Then he realized he was stalling and took another deep breath. “Amelia is my ex.”
A vast array of emotions swirled through Ileana’s eyes when she heard that. He couldn’t tell what she was feeling and knew he’d just have to wait to see how she responded. It didn’t take long for him to find out.
“What the hell is going on? Amelia didn’t date Scott, she dated you? She’s the ex you can’t manage to get over?” Her voice got louder with each and every word.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone. I guess I was just worried what people would say if they knew. It’s not a good excuse, but it’s the truth.” Ileana stood up and started pacing.
“Your ex is Amelia Larson? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” she yelled.
“Ileana, please.”
“No, I’m not done. You’ve made me look like a complete idiot. I’ve been talking to her, hanging out with her, asking her for advice about you! This whole time I thought she was just an old friend when she’s the girl you’ve been pining for since I met you!”
“I haven’t been pining for her,” Corey denied. Ileana turned on him with pure fury in her eyes.
“Yes you have! You talked about your ex all the time, and it was obvious you were still in love with her and that if given the chance you’d go running back to her. Now your ex is back in the picture and has been for a couple months! How can you be in a relationship with me when the love of your life is around?”
“Ileana, I don’t love Amelia anymore. Yes, I loved her. We were together for a long time, and feelings are always going to be there, but I’m with you. When I’m with somebody I’m with them and no one else. There is nothing, and there won’t be anything between Amelia and I again.” Ileana took a deep breath and sat down next to him on the couch.
“You’re going to have to choose, Corey. It’s me or Amelia. If you want her, then go. If you want me, you can’t be around her anymore. No hanging out with her, no calling her, nothing. She needs to be out of your life, for good. What’s it going to be?” Corey let his head fall back to the couch. He couldn’t believe this.
I laid in bed in the hotel suite staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Jordan was coming in tomorrow and I had to tell him about Corey. It was just after Christmas and my family had left. It had also been over a week since the guys had come to the set and Ticia had outed us. I hadn’t wanted to tell Jordan over the phone so I’d begged until he’d agreed to fly out and visit. Now he was going to be here soon.
I finally fell asleep only to be awoken by my alarm way too soon. I groaned as I rolled out of bed and hopped into the shower. I made my way to the studio for the day’s work. I couldn’t seem to get the scene we were working on right. I was frustrated with myself for letting my personal life get in the way of work.
I did what I could to push it out of my mind and get the job done. Thankfully I nailed it not long after and made my way to my trailer for a break. I could use a nap if I had time. I opened the door, stepped in, and nearly screamed when I saw someone standing in there.
“Flight was early,” Jordan explained laughing at me. My heart was racing and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the fright or the conversation I was about to have with him.
“God, Jordan, you scared me!” He continued to laugh and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. He placed a kiss on the top of my head before pulling away and planting one on my lips.
“Sorry. How’s the filming going?” he asked.
“It’s going well. Do you want to go for a walk?” I was suddenly feeling very claustrophobic.
“Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”
We exited the trailer and began the walk. He chatted about things back in LA, interviews and appearances he’d done, movie offers he had, and people we knew. I pretended to be listening, but I was really just trying to figure out what to say. I wasn’t sure how Jordan would take the news.
“You’re not even listening to me, are you?” Jordan asked.
“Yeah, that sounds nice,” I replied. I noticed that he stopped walking and turned to look back at him. He had an eyebrow arched and I sighed. “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Want to talk about it?” he asked. I looked down at the ground and nodded.
“There really is something I need to tell you.” He walked over to me and lifted my chin up so I was looking in his eyes.
“Just tell me. It can’t be that bad.” I took a deep breath before jumping in.
“I kind of lied to you about Corey,” I started.
“Corey? The hockey player?” I nodded.
“We didn’t just go to high school together. We dated.” Jordan smiled at me.
“You were worried about telling me that you two dated?”
“Well, we didn’t just date. We were together for four years. I lived with him.” Jordan laughed.
“Lia, I don’t know why you were so worried about telling me that. Obviously it’s over between you two and no offense but I didn’t exactly feel any sparks between you two at dinner that one time. I don’t know why you look like you’re going to be sick. It doesn’t matter.”
"You're not mad that I lied to you?"
"Everyone has a past. It'd be ridiculous of me to get mad at you for having one."
I smiled up at Jordan, but couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed. He wasn’t even the least bit upset that I’d lied to him? He grabbed my hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. I walked next to him as we headed back to my trailer.
Jordan stayed for a few days before flying back to LA. Corey never came up in conversation again. Even though I’d told Jordan the truth, I didn’t feel better like I thought I would. I guess I’d expected him to be angry about the lie, or at least a little hurt, but he just blew it off. How did a boyfriend not feel anything about being lied to about their girlfriend’s ex? I tried to be thankful that we were still okay, and pushed it out of my mind.
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